Memories
by Rebellious Lover
Summary: Song fic based off 'Memories' by EarlyRise. After an accident, Allen is left in critical condition, taking everyone by surprise. What will happen to their hero?


**Hi everyone! This is a little one-shot I wrote. It's the first thing I've written in third person, so I'm sorry if it's rough. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

**Memories**

Original song: Memories by EarlyRise

**Funny how in just one moment  
Things can turn upside down**

_How did it end up like this?_ Kanda stared straight ahead, thinking to himself. His left hand was clenched in a tight fist, while his right arm was wrapped around Lenalee's waist. The green haired Chinese girl was currently sobbing into his chest. Her small hands gripped his shirt, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Next to him, Lavi stood with no emotions on his face. Maybe it was due to all the years he had spent as Bookman's apprentice. Or maybe it was just because he didn't know how to take the news yet. Komui looked torn between upset and self-disappointment.

Miranda clung to Marie. She was wailing as well, but she was also blaming herself for this fiasco. Marie held the girl gently, stroking her hair in a form of comfort. Everyone in the room was angered, saddened, and even a bit numb. All of their emotions paled in comparison to one man though.

**Wish I could turn back time  
To when you were still around**

Cross Marian had to lean against the wall. One hand braced himself against it, the other hand covering his face. That stance alone screamed that he couldn't believe it. His face though… The ever drunken, womanizing general had tears flowing from his visible eye. Those tears screamed just how much agony he was in.

His fist pounded against the wall. The solid rock didn't budge, but red blood splattered onto it as Cross continued to hit the rock wall with all his strength. Kanda didn't know for sure, but he was willing to bet that he was madder at himself than at the actual culprits. Kanda knew that's how he felt. Maybe he and Cross were feeling somewhat the same.

As if hearing his thoughts, Cross turned around to look at the Japanese teen. Kanda didn't flinch at the angry look the man gave him. Instead, the teen just held Lenalee a little tighter. Cross's fist hit the wall again. His knuckles were raw and bloody, but he still didn't make a sound. His eyes continued to glare daggers at Kanda.

**And all I've got left is memories  
Of your face smiling at me**

"Why weren't you there, girly boy? Why the hell weren't you there?" Cross yelled in rage. It was so sudden that everyone seemed to flinch. Except Kanda. He had seen it coming. Since both he and Cross felt the same way, he knew Cross would blame him above everyone else.

Slowly, as if not to startle Lenalee even more, Kanda handed her off to Komui. As soon as the girl was no longer in her arms, Kanda found himself flat on the ground. Lavi yelled in surprise, and Komui shouted something about calming down. Kanda didn't care.

All he saw was the memory of a bright smile. Not a fake one that most people in the Order received. He saw the genuine bright smile reserved for so very few people.

Cross's boot connected with Kanda's jaw. He groaned, slightly, but did nothing to stop the assault. He deserved it.

Cross was yelling insults, but Kanda could feel a few drops of salty liquid hit his exposed skin. The coppery scent of blood filled his nose. Cross's large hand yanked him up by his shirt. The general either was ignoring the dampness from Lenalee's tears and snot, or he just didn't notice them. He held Kanda up so his feet dangled above to ground.

Kanda gasped as Cross's fist sunk into his stomach. He coughed, turning his head away. Blood was mixed in with his saliva, but he didn't care. It would just heal soon enough anyway.

Another stab of guilt hit him hard. Yes. He would heal from this beating. In a couple of hours _he_ would be good as new. Cross must have seen the look in his eye because the red haired man threw him into a wall. The blue eyed teen groaned when his head hit the wall, but didn't do anything else.

"What's wrong, girly boy? You can't fight? Maybe if you could none of this would have happened. It's your fucking fault!" The words stirred something in Kanda. It was just the beginning of a flame. The spark that ignited the anger he was trying to suppress came with the next words the general spit out. "You're just as bad as they are."

Kanda lost it. Any sense of control he had was gone. He reached for Mugen, unsheathing his beloved katana immediately. Before the blade could reach its target it was blocked by a large hammer. Both the American general and the Japanese teen glared at the owner of said hammer.

**Used to say that we should all just  
Handle this differently**

"Stop it." Both Kanda and Cross glared at Lavi, but the Bookman apprentice glared back at them with even more fierceness. Cross and Kanda backed down slowly, but neither one would stop glaring at each other. "Kanda, sit down. Cross, get your hand bandaged by Komui."

Cross growled right along with Kanda. Neither one of them were fond of taking orders. "Who the hell gave you permission to tell us what to do, baka usagi?"

Lavi glowered at Kanda. "Shut up, Kanda. Do either of you think this is what Allen would want?"

That shut both men up. It even defused a bit of the anger they were both feeling. Lavi's words held a valid point. This wasn't how they should act. Not when Allen would always be the one to tell them that they needed to handle situations differently. In Kanda's opinion, the bean sprout was just too optimistic. That's why Kanda was drawn to him though.

**Took us all by surprise  
No, we never saw this coming  
Always were, always will be  
Our hero**

Guilt and heartache tugged at Kanda's chest. How could he have been so stupid? Why had he left the moyashi alone? Why hadn't he gone back right away? If he had this wouldn't be happening. Of course, nobody had seen this coming. It was a surprise attack. It still didn't stop Kanda from imagining the way things should have played out.

Instead of the current situation Allen should be standing next to him, smiling up at him like always. Nobody would be crying or yelling accusations. The group would all be heading to the cafeteria, eating Jerry's cooking. Allen would order to much food, but everybody would just laugh or shake their heads.

After dinner, Kanda would head to the training rooms to do some meditating. Allen would interrupt him, begging him to do something stupid. The older boy would complain, but would eventually give in to the white haired boy. They would head off towards the lounge and play poker for a couple hours with a few finders. Everyone would grumble and complain about what a devil Allen was, but in the end they would all laugh.

Finally, at the end of the night, Kanda would head back to his room with the younger teen. The moyashi would change in the bathroom, saying he was too embarrassed to let Kanda watch him. When he came back into the room, he'd crawl onto Kanda's mattress and curl up next to the Japanese man. They would share a few sweet kisses before the younger fell asleep.

Kanda would watch him with a smile on his face. He'd pet the younger's soft hair while thinking about how the boy had managed to do this. After at least five minutes of watching and thinking, Kanda himself would wrap an arm around Allen. Then he would fall asleep next to him, holding him protectively.

**With no warning sign  
One day, they came and  
They took you away**

A hand touched his shoulder and he flinched. His blue eyes flashed to the hand, and then up to Lavi's face. The red head watched his friend with a blank expression. "It's not your fault, Kanda. Nobody could have known this would happen."

"Che." Kanda shrugged the hand off of him. He turned, walking from the room. "I'm going to see him."

**Remember everything that you said**

Kanda walked down the hallway to the infirmary quietly. His mind kept going back to what Allen had been repeating over the past few weeks.

**How we can never fully trust them**

About a month ago two new people had arrived at the order. They were family, the brother coming to be a Finder and the sister was an exorcist. Sheryl and Violet immediately became a part of Allen's group of friends. Violet had taken a liking to Kanda after watching him train.

Allen had kept saying how the new pair shouldn't be trusted, but nobody listened. They all assumed it was his jealousy talking.  
**  
Wish I could say I disagree**

Everybody was still in shock. They all still wanted to deny it so badly.

**But I know they're the ones to blame**

They couldn't deny it when it was right in front of them though. Kanda kept his fist clenched tightly. The few people he passed gave him pitying looks. He didn't want their pity. Thankfully they all stayed out of his way.

He was walking through the infirmary hallways soon enough. The head nurse gave him a look, but didn't say anything. She pointed down the hallway, to the last door. A sign on the door read 'Critical Condition' in bold red letters. Kanda's guilt choked him, making it almost impossible to breathe as he quietly entered the moyashi's room.

Allen laid on the bed, his chest rising and falling shallowly. A sheen of sweat glistened on his head. His face was twisted in pain, his mouth open slightly, but no sounds escaped. Various tubes and wires were connected to him. The one that monitored his heart rate beeped rapidly, but it apparently wasn't concerning the nurses just yet.

Kanda took in all the damage. All the bloody bandages, the scratches, everything. He walked forward slowly, grabbing a washrag from the table next to the bed. He rung it out with the water from the basin, and wiped the sweat away from his moyashi's head.

"I'm sorry, Moyashi." His whispered words were louder than a gunshot in the quiet of the room. "I should have listened to you. They weren't to be trusted after all."

**Destroyed every hope  
We once had**

The longer the Japanese man sat with the younger boy, the more his hope faded. Kanda grabbed Allen's hand, holding it gently in his own. Everyone's hope was fading. Though they all had different reasons.

"Oi, Moyashi," Kanda spoke quietly. "Do you remember when I took you to the clearing? You asked me why I wanted to be your boyfriend."

Allen didn't answer, of course. Kanda hung his head, his eyes shut tightly. "I told you that you were my hope. If anyone could change the heartless bastard I tried to sell myself as, it would be you. You looked up at me with that stupid grin on your face. That was our first kiss, come to think of it." He squeezed Allen's hand a bit tighter. "You fucking bastard. Why didn't you stop me from walking away?"

The sight of a victorious Violet and Sheryl was burned forever into his brain. Once the scream had reached his ears, he had turned around immediately, but it was too late. Violet, the girl he had let tag around him, slowly morphed into the shape shifting Noah. The other Noah moved his hair back, letting everyone see the stigmata. Allen had been on the ground, his eyes wide, but blank at the same time.  
**  
Nothing we can do now that you're gone  
No way to bring you back**

Kanda rested his head on the bed, next to the other boy's black arm. Allen wasn't dead, but almost everyone believed he was gone. Sheryl, before he and Lulubell had disappeared, had said that they weren't there to kill Allen Walker. Instead, they were under orders to 'wake up' the Noah that was inside Allen, the fourteenth.

The heart monitor stopped, reaching a flat line. Kanda's head snapped up quickly. His blue eyes widened in fear. His mouth opened to yell for the head nurse, but then the heart monitor spiked, racing faster than when he came in.

The door to the room opened, five nurses including the sometimes demonic head nurse, rushed in. They were yelling things, but Kanda wasn't paying attention. His eyes were wide as he watched his boyfriend cry out in pain for the first time since he had been here. Allen thrashed on the bed, the pain making tears escape from his closed eyes, wetting his cheeks.

Kanda wanted so badly to wake him up. He wanted to kiss away the tears and shake the white haired boy awake, but he couldn't. There wasn't a way for Kanda to bring him back. Allen was trapped in his own mind, fighting for control of his own body.

**Took us all by surprise  
No, we never saw this coming  
Always were, always will be  
Our hero**

This was an unexpected fight that would decide everything for the Black Order. If Allen won, he'd come back. If he didn't, then they would be dealing with a Noah with Allen's face. Everyone was on edge, not wanting to give up on Allen, but not wanting to deal with yet another surprise.

**With no warning sign  
One day, they came and  
They took you away**

The head nurse pulled Kanda away, pushing him out the door despite his protests and curses. He would've fought, had it not been for the Chinese girl who had magically appeared next to him. Lenalee begged him to calm down. He glared at her, but in the end relaxed slightly.

"What happened?" Lavi, Marie, and Cross questioned when they arrived.

"His heart stopped for a second. Now it's faster than it was when I brought him in."

**Things can be so unfair**  
**You were taken away  
before your time**

Lavi was the one who finally asked the question on everyone's mind. "Do you think he'll make it?"

At first nobody answered him. They all just looked away. They all wanted to believe that Allen would do it. He would beat the Noah in his head. Nobody was fooling themselves though. Allen's chances of waking up as himself were low.

Kanda sat down against the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest. "Che. Fucking Noah using dirty tricks."

**Now we're all sitting here  
Nothing left for us to say**

Nobody said anything. What could they say. Instead, they all just sat in silence, waiting for the head nurse to come get them and share the news. Lenalee was leaning against Kanda's shoulder. Lavi was standing next to Cross with his eyes closed. The General in turn seemed to have calmed down.

Kanda closed his eyes, resting his head on his knees. He prayed to the God that he didn't believe in to save Allen. Memories of last night played out in his head.

_-Flashback-_

"_Kanda! You promised," Allen pouted, sitting on the floor of the training room. His grey eyes watched his boyfriend train. Kanda had been training for the better part of the evening. Not that Allen completely minded. A shirtless and sweaty Kanda Yu was a drop dead sexy Kanda Yu. _

_The Japanese teen had to smirk slightly. He could see the way the younger teen was watching him. A pink flush spread across Allen's cheeks when the pair made eye contact. Kanda couldn't help himself. The other boy just looked to adorable. He stopped training, walking over so he could kneel in front of Allen._

_The blush intensified when Kanda gently tilted Allen's face up. Their eyes met and Kanda smirked. "What's the matter, Moyashi?"_

"_I'm not a beansprout! It's Allen, BaKanda! A-L-L-E-N!"_

_It was that moment that Kanda leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was a soft, gentle kiss. Full of a tenderness most people didn't know Kanda owned. Their lips moved together in a familiar pattern before Kanda pulled away._

"_I know your name, Aren," Kanda whispered. He let his accent come out thick, taking pleasure in the way that the younger teen blushed. He tugged on his shirt as he spoke. "Come on, let's go."_

_Allen took the hand Kanda offered him. The couple left the training rooms, walking quietly down the hallway. They slipped outside, heading to the clearing in the forest that Kanda liked to practice. Kanda laughed as Allen practically glowed with happiness. He kissed the top of his moyashi's head before they headed to the center of the clearing._

_Kanda grabbed the practice sword that Allen had brought to the clearing last night. He handed it to the boy, then stood behind him. He noted the boy's stance and grip on the sword. "Relax your stance. Spread your hands apart a little."_

"_Like this?" Allen asked quietly. _

_Kanda wrapped his hands around Allen's moving them to the right spots. The older man smirked as his chest pressed against the other boy's back. "Are you ready for sword training? I'm a hard teacher."_

"_You'll be nice for me, right?"_

_Kanda kissed his boyfriends neck. "Not a chance, Aren."_

**Don't want to leave you behind**

_They had slipped back inside the order around two in the morning. As they headed hand in hand to the baths, they were stopped._

"_Kanda! Allen!" They both paused at the girly voice. Coming down the hallway towards them was Violet. Behind her, with a sheepish smile, was Sheryl. As they approached Allen's grip tightened._

"_Che. What do you want?" Kanda asked to the smiling girl._

"_Komui wants to see Allen. Something about a mission we're supposed to go on."_

_Kanda looked down at Allen who shook his head. His face was lined with unease. If Kanda looked carefully, he could almost swear there was a hint of fear. He let go of Allen's hand. "You heard her, Moyashi."_

"_Kanda," Allen said quietly. "I don't like this. Come with me, please."_

_Kanda 'che'ed again. "Go by yourself, baka. I'm not your babysitter."_

_Allen frowned at him. "I know that. I'd just feel better if you would go with me. Something feels wrong."_

"_I don't care. I'm going to shower." With that Kanda walked away. Allen hadn't yelled after him, or asked him to come back. It was easy for the Japanese man to ignore the feeling of eyes watching him. It was easy to ignore the voice in his head that said he shouldn't (and didn't want to) leave the other boy._

**Took us all by surprise  
No, we never saw this coming  
Always were, always will be  
Our hero**

Kanda cursed mentally. He should've listened to the boy. He should've gone with him. If he had, none of this would have happened. "It'll be alright, Yu-chan."

"I thought I told you not to call me that, baka usagi."

Lavi chuckled. "Just trying to lighten the mood. Allen wouldn't like us to be this depressed. He'd try to cheer us up."

**With no warning sign  
One day, they came and  
They took you away**

Rushed footsteps headed towards them. It was effective in cutting the conversation short. They all turned to look at the head nurse who had a grim expression on her face. She looked at them all as they held their breaths.

"I take it Kanda Yu will not be the only one returning to Allen Walker's room?"

Cross was the one who spoke up. "He sure as hell will not." The gruff and angry tone didn't faze the older lady. She just nodded, motioning for the group to follow her.

**Took us all by surprise  
No, we never saw this coming**

"Before you all go in," she said leading back to Allen's room. "There is something you need to know about his condition."

"What? Did something happen to him?" Kanda and Cross both said. They looked at each other with mixed emotions. Cross had anger in his eyes, but there were also hints of worry, acceptance, and respect. Kanda looked at him with guilt, acceptance, and worry.

The nurse shook her head, easing some of their tension. Her next words surprised everyone.

**Always were, always will be  
Our hero**

"Allen Walker's heart rate has become regular. He has also calmed down immensely. From the looks of it, his battle is almost over. He should wake up within the hour."

Everyone stared at the lady with disbelief. Was twenty four hours enough to win a battle against the fourteenth? Nobody voiced any of their hopes. It was almost too much to believe in. The possibility was too much to put faith in, but that's what they were doing.

As they walked in, Kanda pushed his way to the front of the group. He sat himself down on Allen's bed, taking the now calm boy's hand.

**With no warning sign  
One day, they came and**

"Moyashi? Can you hear me?" There was no reaction, even as the others came closer, calling out to him. Everyone tried talking to him, begging him to open his eyes. Almost a half hour passed before Kanda decided to up the game.

The room quieted and looked at him in surprise. He stood up to walk closer to the sleeping boy. The Japanese teen bent down slowly, placing a soft kiss on the whitette's lips. When he pulled away, his lips moved to his ears. "Wake up."

Nobody dared to breathe as Kanda pulled away, sitting back down in his original spot. All eyes were glued to Allen. Said boy groaned in pain, as his eyelids fluttered, struggling to open up. Kanda squeezed his boyfriends hand once again. The hand squeezed back as silver eyes finally opened. Lenalee gasped as the newly opened eyes focused. Kanda felt something squeeze his heart painfully.

"Aren?"

**They took you away…**

* * *

**A/N: Was it bad? Decent? Good? Please review!**


End file.
